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I couldn’t believe when Bitsy starts telling Ziba what is culturally appropriate for Susan. She also makes it clear that she thinks Ziba shouldn’t work. I was really surprised by her outspokenness. How can she feel comfortable telling Ziba what to do the 2nd time they’ve met? Could Bitsy be anxious about her own childrearing practices?
But at the same time, not saying what you really think can get you in trouble. Look at what happened when Ziba and Maryam talked about where to host New Year’s party. Too much politeness doesn’t seem to work either.
In my family, we usually don’t share our opinion about what other family members are doing. We assume that the other person is making the best decision for themselves, and it’s not our place to say something. But if your family members won’t tell you truth, who will?
I think it’s really hard to find the right boundaries. You see the same thing happening between Ziba and Maryam that Maryam experienced with her own mother – the new mom finding her way as a parent and the grandmother wanting to be helpful and not knowing how. How can they support each other without trespassing on each other's territory?
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Bitsy ir weird! No, the thing is, when I read that she lloked for the Yasdans in the phone directory I was surprised, I didn't expect that and I think since that point Bitsy appeared to me as a nosy person and that she likes ruling everybody's life. It looks she believes she's the only one right and things have to be done her way.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is tricky- being closer to family members doesn't always make it easier. The dynamic of Ziba & Maryam, and the remembered dynamic of Maryam and her mother, was an interesting assessment of power structures in families. Thought, their interactions was of constantly differing to the other~ always submissive.
ReplyDeleteBitsy's overbearing manner reminded me of sooo many people I've known. There's an inherent lack of respect for the other person when one subscribes them to the 'child' role and 'mothers' them. Another power trip ~ thought this one is very aggressive.
Hi Kathleen - thanks for writing. I think we all know people like Bitsy! They can drive you crazy. I keep thinking that her insecurity drives her need to have everyone agree with her and implement her suggestions. It's hard to know the best way to deal with those type of people. I usually just agree with them so I don't cause an argument and then I promptly ignore their advice.
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