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Why does Maryam have such a hard time feeling at home in the U.S.? Is it her or is it Americans who remind her that she doesn’t quite belong? I can understand her irritation at always being asked "where are you from?" and not knowing how to answer. She has studied American customs very closely, and she feels like she has to be better dressed than the Americans. To me, it seems like she is trying too hard to fit in and she finds it difficult to just be herself.
At Susan’s first birthday party, her ambivalence really shows. She doesn’t seem to like the Americans or the Iranians. She doesn’t feel at ease with the Americans, and the Iran she left behind isn’t the same without the friends and family who have since passed away. I was so touched by the "absence of so many of the people she had loved" making Maryam resolve not to return to Iran.
Maryam thought that having a baby could anchor her to her new country. But perhaps for Maryam it had the reverse affect, because she now sees Sami as more American than Iranian. I love how she connects with Susan, believing they are both outsiders. But perhaps holding onto to her "outsider" status keeps her from making strong connections with others.
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I found it interesting that the Yazdans changed Sooki's name to Susan and the American family kept Jin-Ho's Korean name. Maryam comments that she thinks Jin-Ho Donaldson has a "peculiar ring" to it perhaps because Donaldson seems so "ultra-American." The Donaldson's are almost obsessed with trying to maintain their baby's Korean culture. I wonder if it is different for Maryam and the Yazdans because they have had to manage two cultures for a long time. As a result, Maryam has a keen understanding of what it means to be an outsider. Maybe having one's name fit in with the dominant culture and be easy to pronounce is one way to try to ease the acculturation process, which brings up the complex theme of identity and the importance of a name...
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing Clare. I think you are absolutely right about that the Yazdan's experiences of navigating between two cultures influences the decisions they make about how they want to raise Susan. Good point about names - it is so hard to feel like you fit in when people are constantly mispronouncing or misspelling your name! The question is how do you maintain your connections and roots to more than one culture without losing a sense of home and belonging. Not an easy task.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Clare that the Donaldsons are kind of obssesed with Jin-Ho's origin, the name and that they wanted to dress her as Korean (in the arrival party), I don't know what would happened to Jin-Ho as she growns up, as her family tries to keep her as an outsider.
ReplyDeleteI've had family members adopt a child from another culture. They were sure to incorporate the child's native culture into some of their family traditions so that he would grow up aware and comfortable with his heritage. It was done gently and in a natural manner.
ReplyDeleteWhat was disturbing about the Donaldson's approach to Jin-Ho's ethnic background is the extreme enforcement of all things Korean. It comes across as fetishistic and not a natural incorporation of cultural influences into Jin-Ho's life. Keep feeling Jin-Ho is being turned into a advertisement testifying to her parents superiority complex and not being allowed to be a child.
It's also disturbing to see how Bitsy treats different cultures as fascinating specimens in a museum. She intensifies the alienation by constantly praising the "otherness" of diversity.
Good point Kathleen. It is truly a fine balance between acknowledging difference and overemphasizing it. Imagine how Bitsy will react when Jin Ho starts to assert her independence and make her own decisions about how she wants to identify herself.
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