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I thought it was very interesting how Mori prefers to hear the "predictable and cliched" statements that people say when someone has died, while in most other circumstances she is confused and aggravated by the polite lies people tell. Maybe it is because the purpose of these platitudes is to simply comfort and soothe the living, and maybe it doesn't matter if the person saying it really means it. In times of great stress or sorrow, it can make things easier to rely on familiar sayings and rituals.
But I can also understand Mori's desire to speak about particular and specific characteristics and memories of her mother - to make her an individual, not one of many ancestors she mourns. Everyone who has lost a family member can understand my grief at losing my grandmother, but they cannot understand the specific things I miss about her. My loss is very personal and universal at the same time.
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I think "polite lies" are good if they are used thinking of someone to talk to. As Mori said, they have to be used especially in times of sorrow and depression.
ReplyDeleteThe reason Japanese sometimes use "polite lies" may be that we prize the feeling of someone to talk to and value the harmony and atmosphere. And this may apply to people in every culture even if the degree is different.
Miwa I think you've captured an important point - perhaps the intention of the "polite lie" is what matters most, not whether you are being totally honest with someone. Usually, your intention is to make a person feel better when you say to a person that their loved one "lived a good life with no regrets", so maybe it doesn't matter if that statement isn't completely true.
ReplyDeleteWhen everything is in emotionally choas, platitudes are comforting. They are like the lifesavers you can hold on to when drowning in sorrow. These lies won't do any good, but certainly won't do any harms.
ReplyDeleteSandra - I agree completely and wish I could have said it as beautifully as you did!
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