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I found this chapter to be very sad. To me, Michiko's lies and actions were unforgivable. She worked so hard to separate and isolate Kyoko from friends and family. Michiko is to blame but it made me sad that Kyoko so easily accepted her lies. She never considered confirming or questioning the story with Mrs. Kuzuha. It seems that rules of communication (passing negative information through a third party for example) prevented her from finding out the truth.
Sometimes the desire to "save face" or avoid embarrassment keeps us for asking the questions that will confirm our assumptions or reveal a lie. When I first met my husband, he did not speak English and my Italian wasn't very good. As you can imagine, we had a lot of misunderstandings. We eventually realized that we had to speak very directly (no polite lies!) otherwise communication was impossible. We learned the danger of making assumptions without asking for clarification. Even now, if he says something that makes me mad, I often stop and ask him to repeat it, just to make sure I've understood it correctly and to explain exactly why his statement upset me. It's one of the challenges and beauties of an intercultural marriage.
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Hi, Jennifer. I can guess that an international marriage has various difficulties because of the language difference. When I talk with people in English, I feel frustrated because I cannot tell exactly what I want to say. It is like being interrupted by a tall wall. Of course the misunderstandings caused by this language wall are not "lies".
ReplyDeleteMiscommunication is so easy. To clear up a misunderstanding - it usually takes one person willing to be vulnerable and state how they were hurt. So many of us would rather 'save face' and wall ourselves off instead.
ReplyDeleteMiwa - I love how you describe your frustrations with language as a "tall wall". You will climb over that wall and feel more comfortable expressing yourself in English. It just takes time and practice.
ReplyDeleteKathleen - as usual you've hit the nail on the head. It is so hard to take that first step to admit that you were hurt by someone's comment, but hopefully the reward of true and open communication is worth the risk!
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