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I wonder if other languages and cultures have a specific term for "polite lies". In English, we call them "white lies" and the Japanese term is "tate-mae". This chapter also got me thinking about how we learn what kinds of lies are acceptable and which are not. Perhaps it depends on the speaker's intention. Is there a difference between being "viciously insincere" as Mori describes it or telling a white lie so you can save face or make someone feel better? Can "white lies" do damage? I can't even imagine trying to teach a child the difference. We want our children to be truthful and honest, but we also want them to be polite. It must be confusing for them as it was for Mori.
This also got me thinking about Dante's Inferno. Dante's eighth circle of hell was reserved for fraud - he talks about every different kind of deception and trickery from flatterers to corrupt politicians to counterfeiters and impostors and everyone in between. There are so many ways we can deceive each other with words. Even though they may be polite and make people feel better, does the telling of white lies make it easier to tell bigger more damaging lies in other situations? Feels like a slippery slope.
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I also think it is a big problem whether "white lies" is acceptable or not. It is important to make people feel better. But on the other hand, once we tell a lie, we have to tell further lies to hold back the first lie. In my opinion, it is the best way to tell the truth in the politest way possible even though of course I know it is difficult...
ReplyDeleteKathleen's previous comment makes me think about how important trust is to communication. If there is trust between you and the person you are talking to, then it may be easier to share "negative" information and to be truthful in your communications, because you can trust that the person's intentions are good and that they do not mean to hurt your feelings.
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