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I loved Mori's discussion of politeness and honesty. Even though Americans highly value honesty and being straight forward in our communications, we like to use the "criticism sandwich". If you have to say something negative, you put it between two positive comments. For example, a teacher might say to a student "The structure of your essay is very good, although there are quite a few spelling mistakes, but overall it is an engaging story."
In your culture, how do you communicate negative information? Does it depend to whom you are speaking? I feel more comfortable disagreeing with a friend or telling her honestly how I feel about her dinner or her hair or her boyfriend than I do with people I don't know very well.
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The concept of a criticism sandwich is completely novel to me! I come from a low praise culture where it's not unusual to receive a whole string of negative feedback given by a teacher who really wants you to improve. Maybe that is why I find myself discounting the praises I'm given by Americans by say, 20%.
ReplyDeleteThat's very interesting, Anonymous. I don't think the positive parts of the criticsm sandwich are insincere or dishonest, although I do think we sometimes have to work hard to find something nice to say. Have you heard the saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? So if someone doesn't say anything about your new haircut, you might infer that they don't like it.
ReplyDeleteThe "criticism sandwich" may be common in every culture. It is used not to hurt the other's feeling. In addition, it may be the way to protect ourselves.
ReplyDeleteYes Miwa, I think the criticism sandwich can help maintain positive feelings between people. But perhaps there is a benefit to sharing "negative" information. If we are always polite and friendly with each other, it might be hard for people to develop closer and more intimate relationships if we don't step out of our comfort zones to disagree with each other.
ReplyDeleteSimilar to Jennifer's experience, in my culture it's "polite" to say only positive comments to people that you are not so close with. It's common to praise a stranger, but never praise your own children. Even praising yourself is not acceptable, you are not suppose to talk about your good qualities. People may think that you are arrogant. This "politeness" sometimes puts me in a awkward situation in American society when I have to compete with others who comfortably express their good qualities. So, maybe we not only have to be honest with our negative comments, but also the positive ones.
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