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Is marriage still necessary? For many of you, marriage has been
necessary in order to stay in the US with your partner. But I also know
many of you never thought about getting married until your partner decided to
come to MIT. What is the purpose of sealing your long term committed
relationship with a stamp of approval from some government or church official?
In the culture I live in and the society I keep, as for Liz Gilbert, women
don't particularly need men for protection or financial security,and in some
cases, even to have children. It is no longer even assumed that all married
women will have children. The changes in rights, health and independence women
have gained since my grandmother was born really do astound me. My
grandmother was expected to leave her job when she got married, and when my
mother was in college, the biggest controversy on campus was whether female
students could wear pants in the library!
We've gone from marriage as a form of survival to a way of managing wealth and maintaining social order, to an individual choosing a life companion. So now in 2015, why get married?
I hear from lots of Europeans that marriage isn't necessary and isn't something they ever planned to do. Is it skepticism about marriage itself and its impact on women? The ghost of
"coverture" remains. Will your identity disappear into the relationship when you get married? The decision to come to MIT with your partner when you don't have a job or a community or a purpose beyond supporting your partner can magnify that concern. It's bad enough that you have made a big sacrifice for your career, and now to add insult to injury, you are simply known as someone's wife or husband.
Thankfully it seems the definitions and expectations of marriage are constantly changing. In the US, we are witnessing a historic change, the validation and acceptance of same-sex marriage. Whenever I feel pessimistic about the times we are living in, knowing that this change, which in the recent past seemed so unlikely, is happening in my country gives me so much hope. In the nick of time, maybe this expansion of and inclusion in marriage will give the institution just what it needs to reinvent itself for the coming generations. I hope this new era for marriage can help to break apart narrowly defined gender roles and to give both women and men more freedom to bring their all of their strengths and gifts to the relationship.
I read the above blog which brings so many thoughts in my mind regarding marriage. I truly agree with the above point that for germans marriage is not so important to live with. but In India marriage is not only about men and women its about the whole family of both men and women getting connected to each other and moving with great responsibility and relation. But what I feel is that marriage also brings lots of things in your life, you are able to see the new chapter of life with other angle or approach and also you become stronger to handle the challenges you faced to start that new life . I also see the change in marriages now that people are more open to choose their partners they have full freedom to whom they want to marry but in some cultures like india we still believe in arrange marriages which are getting more successful and also, it depends upon person to person how they take the things. But I am happy to see the change for our next generation. Thanks !!
ReplyDeleteMansi I am so glad you shared your perspective on this topic. Just before you commented, I was re-reading my post and I thought to myself "wow you definitely haven't considered other viewpoints on marriage in this post" So I am thankful for your thoughts about marriage being more than just two individuals getting married. It is about bringing two families together. Both partners really do marry into each other's families, and for better or worse, your in-laws and your new extended family will have an impact on you and your relationship. I definitely gained a "sister" and a close friend when I married my husband, but as we have discussed many times before at our weekly gatherings, negotiating your relationship with your mother-in-law can be very tricky indeed. On the one hand, the individualistic and independent culture of the US make us very self-reliant and resourceful, but I think there are times in everyone's life that they need the support of a larger community - an extended family, a group of friends, a local network of support and understanding. I think sometimes we ask a couple to carry too heavy of a burden by themselves, like the birth of a child or a loss of a job. One of the things MIT spouses&partners has taught me is the benefits of arranged marriage - that both families are in part responsible for the strength and success of the marriage they have arranged, that the couple knows they have a community of support when things get tough. Once again I will say "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."
DeleteThanks for sharing Mansi, I am interested in the different associations of marriage in different cultures around the world.
ReplyDeleteJennifer, as you said it is true that many Europeans feel that marriage isn't necessary (I am one of them) and isn't something they ever planned to do. The reason? There could be many reasons of course. For me 'loss of identity' wasn't one of them, cause I didn't think that would happen in our case. To me marriage always had a religious undertone to it and that for me was a reason not to get married and also I had seen enough marriages break up.
I believe you can be 100% committed to a relationship without having the actual paper to certify this. But now I am married. After 10 years of being in a relationship we decided to get married. The reason? To celebrate such a beautiful part of our lives with family and friends. Now I understand one of the reasons for getting married :-)