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As I write this blog post, my daughter
is peacefully sleeping during her afternoon nap. At this moment, I am
very thankful for her regularly scheduled (and mostly followed) naps
and bedtime. Being a morning person myself, I would have a difficult
time adjusting to the Argentinian late nights, although if I didn’t
have to get up early for work, I could probably learn to stay up
later.
The first question that popped into my
head as I read this chapter was “why do we Americans put our kids
to bed early? Why are we so strict about bedtime?” One of my
thoughts was similar to Mei-Ling’s: we highly value productivity in
our culture. At times, getting things done can be more important than
nurturing our relationships. As one of our founding fathers, Benjamin
Franklin, is quoted to have said “Early to bed and early to rise,
makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” We also like to say “The
early bird gets the worm.” It seems we do value waking up early!
I think we are also in a time period
where parents value the advice of experts (doctors, researchers,
counselors) over those of their family and friends. We Americans are
definitely future-oriented and believe in the power of technology and
science to solve our problems, so it’s not surprising that we often
turn to the latest research and advice to help us make decisions
about our parenting or our health, rather than the wisdom of past
generations.
That said, while I am sticking to my
daughter’s bedtime and naps (and mine too), I will definitely let
her sing and dance with her cousins a little later than usual when we
get together for our next family dinner.
Amusing for as much as we "value waking up early," one of the most common laments of new parents is how early their little one wakes them.
ReplyDeleteWe didn't really bother with strict bedtimes until we approached the school years (though we did generally get kids to bed by 8:30 and had kids who "slept in" until 8:30 or 9.) At the same time, we still aren't totally rigid (there was a MarioKart Wii tournament that started after bedtime and resulted in the kids heading up 30 minutes late.) In some ways, it is liberating to know that come 7:30, it is time for bed and I'll be getting a break from child care for the rest of the night.
On the other hand, naps for us have always been more loosey goosey. With my oldest, I wanted to do things and be places and he had to adapt and sleep when he needed to where ever he was (helped that he was worn a lot and it was a favorite place of his to sleep). But as I had more kids, even as I felt the value of spending more time at home, I learned that it simply wasn't possible to adhere to the older children's schedules (like preschool and field trips, and play dates) and also rigidly stick to an at home nap time. I am glad that we never really tried hard to maintain silence when a child was sleeping; they can sleep through the dog barking, their siblings playing and even crying and it certainly makes the fact that the 3 of them have to share a room due to space constraints here.
Here's an article about the "laziness" of French parents that may be of further interest to this group:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/pamela-druckerman/french-parents_b_2638488.html
Thanks for the article, Carson.
DeleteI totally agree on the kid's need of free time for "plain" play and discovery.
I also agree with the comment that the mistake might be the too much focus on the outcome rather than the activity in itself. For me, extracurricular activities are good if they are, above all, fun for the kids - my daughter looks forward all week for her ballet and hip hop lessons - and I think if the process is stressful then it cannot be funny.
Great article Carson! I definitely agree that we are living a hurried culture, and I'm trying hard not to rush my daughter. As firm as I am in my intentions to live a slow and "underscheduled" life, it can be hard not to get caught up in the busyness of everyone around you.
DeleteIn the south of Spain, where I am from, it is very common to see kids late at night in the summer, when there is no school and kids can wake up late in the morning. Then you see them in restaurants, dinners at friend's, or playing in parks or the beach. I would say that happens also on the weekends and special days during the school year.
ReplyDeleteIn that sense, that might be similar to the situations described by the author in Buenos Aires.
However, in general, I feel that during the week, kids' schedules are quite regular in Spain.
The difference with Americans seems to be the flexibility as well as the love for having late-night plans. I think in Spain, and it seems in Argentina too, kids' schedules are flexible, so if there is a special occasion, they join in - and of course, usually special occasions and special plans are at night :-)
Personally, I like to do exceptions on my daughter's bed time, but in general I like having her on a regular schedule. First, because I believe what experts say on that matter. Second, because I have experienced that when she has crazy schedules or not enough sleep, she gets cranky and less happy (while Argentinian kids seem to easily adapt or be ok even when being tired). And third, because I appreciate the "parenthesis" of being a mom that I have when she is in bed, giving me time for my own, my husband, and friends.
I too treasure some precious time for myself when my daughter is in bed at 8 p.m.!
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